The extreme reality of domestic violence that we do not understand is that the victim lives through it 24 X 7, 365 days an year. They don't know when it'll come next so they're cautious and watching out and praying ALL the time.
To get a good idea of what it's like you can compare their plight to war soldiers or survivors. War soldiers are trained for war yet no one can prepare them for the horrors they experience during a war. Most of them return with post traumatic illnesses. Imagine sending untrained civilians to fight. Domestic violence is a personal and personalised war waged upon the victim. The abuser happens to play a multitude of roles - The politician who manipulates and exploits, the diplomat who smooth talks and tells the victim she's the one at fault and should make efforts to improve the relationship if she wants anything better, the media which portrays the exploiter as the hero and the exploited as the bad guy, the general who plots the conquest, and the soldiers who execute the attack, imprison POW's and then torture them. All this time it's vital to destroy all resources and allies of the attacked party so they can't possibly seek help and fight back.
We all know what happens to the country that is attacked. They're either completely taken over by the attacker and exploited for years on end till they die or left hapless by themselves to deal with poverty, disease and the trauma of war without any help or resources at their disposal. Sometimes the UN interferes and doles out some ration and medical supplies and builds refugee camps. Regardless, the victim is rarely ever able to recover and this is a scar that aches and impairs her for her entire life.
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